i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Randomize
