yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
