He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
