so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
