It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
