am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
