umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
either way he was missing a nipple.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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