I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
