my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
