For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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