I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
