at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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