this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
