I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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