I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
