What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My life is pants optional.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
