it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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