Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
