omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
last night I used snow as a chaser
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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