boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i used baking grease as lip gloss
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
