theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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