I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
