I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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