Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
