Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
