just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
