It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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