We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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