i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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