Your face is a jimmy john
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
