I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
