just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
