bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
