you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I love you. Go after that dick
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
