People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
