Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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