Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
