So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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