He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
NoShamevember. You game?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
