it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
