Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
