Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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