Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
