Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Panties = found
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
