Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
