i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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