No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
