Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
