he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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