Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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