I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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