and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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